The Olympics

I have been saying for years that there should be two Olympics, rather than one.

In the first Olympics, there would be mandatory drug testing for all athletes for all drugs, every month for four years prior to the Olympics in which they will compete. I’m always half-surprised when I find out that an Olympic athlete is caught taking performance-enhancing drugs. I mean, there has to be a way to tell if people are taking steroids or the like. If we have the ability to prevent performance-enhancing drug scandals, why don’t we use it? This would inject the Olympics with some much-needed credibility.

In the second Olympics, there would be no drug testing for anyone, ever. Athletes would be allowed, and even encouraged, to see just how far they can contort the human form in order to gain an advantage over more “traditional” humans. It could be sponsored by Pfizer or Merck-Frost or something. At least this way, athletes who are taking steroids would be able to do so under the care of a good physician, rather than having to inject steroids in secret. I think this would be very entertaining. In time, there could even be a division for bionic athletes or those with xenotransplantations.

Just imagine! You could someday watch a wrestling match between a cyborg and a minotaur! The minotaur could also be useful in enforcing the strict rules regarding steroids for the first Olympics. Those who fail the drug test would be thrown into its labyrinth. I’ve thought of everything.

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The Grey Literature

This is the personal blog of Benjamin Gregory Carlisle PhD. Queer; Academic; Queer academic. "I'm the research fairy, here to make your academic problems disappear!"

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